Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
