she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
