After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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