All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
