I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
