I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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