I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
