She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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