I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
