I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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