he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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