My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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