it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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