I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
