You're so nebulous sometimes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
