just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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