I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
