There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
