I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
where are my eyebrows?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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