I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
