just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
