i permit you to call me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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