i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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