he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
