those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
