Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
