My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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