Pappa wants mamma naked
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
