haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
