dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are two peas in an std pod
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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