I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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