I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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