See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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