I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She announced her abortion via fbk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
