btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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