When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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