apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
is that a dick in a sweater?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All the doctor said was why
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize