I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
