i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
