Small penises have feelings too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
