I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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