great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
