OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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