I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
