got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
