I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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