She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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