I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
