you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
