is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
