only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
