Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
