You made me cry and you don't even care
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just want to make out with him forever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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