i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
