You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
