Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
