Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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