She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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