I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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