hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
