Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need a beard to bite.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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