So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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