I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
