I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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